I was writing a post last week about the misunderstandings happening after some young whippersnappers started poking around in COBOL. So, after a 25-year hiatus from the language, I decided to have some fun and take a trip down memory lane. It took me a few days filled with lots of “oh yeah, now I remember” moments. I know I had more fun writing this than you’ll have reading it! 😂😂😂
IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
PROGRAM-ID. COBOL-LEGACY-INSIGHTS.
AUTHOR. Dan G.
ENVIRONMENT DIVISION.
CONFIGURATION SECTION.
SOURCE-COMPUTER. IBM-7090.
OBJECT-COMPUTER. IBM-7090.
DATA DIVISION.
WORKING-STORAGE SECTION.
01 US-GOVERNMENT-SYSTEMS.
05 SSA-SYSTEM PIC X(10) VALUE 'ACTIVE'.
05 IRS-SYSTEM PIC X(10) VALUE 'ACTIVE'.
01 COBOL-EXPERTISE PIC X(70) VALUE 'Master of Science in IT with extensive graduate COBOL coursework.'.
01 BENEFICIARY-AGE PIC 9(3) VALUE 150.
01 VALID-AGE PIC 9(3) VALUE 120.
01 AGE-ERROR-FLAG PIC X VALUE 'N'.
PROCEDURE DIVISION.
BEGIN.
DISPLAY 'COBOL—the programming language that refuses to retire, much like many members of the US Congress.'
DISPLAY 'Despite being over six decades old, COBOL remains the backbone of many U.S. government systems, especially in agencies like the Social Security Administration (SSA) and the Internal Revenue Service (IRS).'
DISPLAY 'Its reliability and efficiency in handling large-scale data processing have kept it in play, even as newer languages have emerged.'
DISPLAY 'Recently, the Trump administration''s Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) decided to take a deep dive into these legacy systems.'
DISPLAY 'Armed with enthusiasm but perhaps lacking a COBOL-to-English dictionary, they stumbled upon records indicating beneficiaries aged 150 years or more.'
DISPLAY 'Cue the headlines: "Millions of Dead People on Social Security?"'
DISPLAY 'In reality, these eyebrow-raising ages are often placeholders resulting from missing or incomplete data in the antiquated COBOL-based systems.'
DISPLAY 'It''s like finding a VHS tape and assuming it''s a high-tech security threat.'
IF BENEFICIARY-AGE > VALID-AGE THEN
MOVE 'Y' TO AGE-ERROR-FLAG
END-IF.
IF AGE-ERROR-FLAG = 'Y' THEN
DISPLAY 'Error: Beneficiary age exceeds valid range. Likely due to placeholder date.'
ELSE
DISPLAY 'Beneficiary age is within the valid range.'
END-IF.
DISPLAY 'This misinterpretation highlights a critical issue: while COBOL systems are sturdy workhorses, they require knowledgeable handlers.'
DISPLAY 'Without proper understanding, attempts to modernize or audit these systems can lead to more confusion than clarity.'
DISPLAY 'It''s a bit like handing a smartphone to a caveman; without context, things can get messy.'
DISPLAY 'The root of the "150-year-old" issue lies in COBOL''s handling of dates.'
DISPLAY 'COBOL lacks a native date data type, so programmers often used a reference date, such as May 20, 1875—the date of the "Convention du Mètre," an international treaty that established a standardized metric system.'
DISPLAY 'So when birthdate information is missing or incomplete, the system defaults to this reference point, making individuals appear 150 years old in the year 2025.'
DISPLAY 'This quirk is a result of historical programming practices rather than evidence of fraud.'
DISPLAY 'To prevent such misunderstandings and enhance efficiency, the focus should be on modernizing and transforming these legacy systems.'
DISPLAY 'Updating the underlying code and data structures will not only resolve anomalies like the "150-year-old" issue but also improve overall system performance and security.'
DISPLAY 'Modernization efforts are essential to ensure that critical government services operate accurately and efficiently in today''s technological landscape.'
STOP RUN.